Weight of The World: Rambling On....

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Rambling On....

Up until the time I gave birth to my daughter, I never had a weight problem. I always thought I had one, but looking back at photos now, I was definitely not overweight. My weight has always sat at around the 9 � stone mark. I remember in 1992 I had been living on the Gold Coast for 3 or 4 years and we moved to Canberra, right in the middle of winter. Now winter on the Gold Coast means wearing a pair of trakky daks in the evening and chucking on a windcheater. And living on the Gold Coast, the body is on show alot of the time....I am a sun worshipper and was always at the beach!! (bad I know!) Winter in Canberra, for anyone who hasn't been there, is bloody freezing. Snow?and I mean lots of snow. Basically in the 4 months that I was there I packed on the weight. Didn't do any exercise, ate lots of comfort food, especially the Italian bread rolls that I found. They were scrummy and I could easily eat 4 - 6 in an evening, and that was on top of my dinner!! Anyway we moved back to Melbourne and I realised (very quickly) that I needed to lose weight. The thing is that it was easy to lose it. Joined the local gym, ate much better and whammo - the weight fell off!! Since having my daughter I have found it so hard to get back to my 9 � stone. I know that this is a comfortable weight for me and that I can get back to it. While I was living in the UK I came back to Oz 3 times for a holiday. The first time I still remember trying to lose weight before I came home (even though I probably didn't need to). In fact, I lost nearly a stone in weight while I was in Oz as I hardly ate anything, was running round like a headless chook most of the time, and remember drinking more than eating!! The next time I came home to Oz was in 2002. I managed to get down to just over 9 stone. And I still have my menus from then. I have tried to eat as I did then, but I just don't seem to have the willpower as I did then. I think my willpower back then may have had something to do with the fact that I thought that I'd meet up with my ex husband, and I wanted to look my best, not because I wanted to get back with him, but to show him that I was still looking good (vanity!!). Then I came back to Oz in 2003 and once again I managed to lose lots of weight so that I was about 9 � stone when I flew home. I think the problem may be that I'm not THAT uncomfortable with my weight. I can still fit into most of my clothes (maybe not as comfortably as I would like) and most people don't see me as being overweight (as long as they don't see me in my bathers). My BMI is normal - it's at the top end of normal, but it's still normal!! I can get into some size 10 jeans, either a size 12 or 14 top (I have bigger boobs!!) yet I still have a problem finding clothes that I feel comfortable in. I find it very hard to find dresses that fit due to my boobs not being in proportion to the rest of me. The size 10 dress fits until I try to do it up over the boobs. The size 12 or 14 does up fine at the top, but I then have no shape whatsoever on the bottom as I'm swimming in it!! I only want to get down to 60kg (133lb). That's only 6kg (13lb) to lose. Why is it so difficult now? Why doesn't my body want to let it go? I really work hard at the gym. I exercise most days. My biggest downfall must definitely be my food intake. I really have to admire the people who have lots of weight to lose and who stick to their weight loss plans AND lose all the weight. My biggest question for these people (I've never been confident enough to ask a large person) is how they got to that weight in the first place? I know in myself when I get to the point where my clothes are really uncomfortable to wear and I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, I have to do something about it. (I can also be really scabby with my money and I refuse to buy the next size up in clothing!!) What makes people continue to eat and eat? Sorry this is such a long post - just needed to ramble for a bit!!