Saturday, July 29, 2006

Saturday 29th July

Hi, my name is J and I'm an addict. Yep, that's right, I have to admit that I am totally addicted to chocolate. I don't think there is a day goes by where I don't shove some form of chocolate into my big gob!! I would also go so far as to say that I would be close to being called a binge eater of the stuff. I'm definitely not at the bulimic stage, but all the traits are there, and if I got that desparate, I wouldn't even think twice about puking!! (Gasp...I know, I know!!) Yesterday was a prime example. There were chocolate biscuits in the tin at work, so I grabbed a handful to have with my coffee in the morning. I then went home for lunch and ate normally (ham and cheese sandwich). I then made a beeline for the supermarket, which is located on the way back to work, and picked up a packet of chocolate bullets, a packet of smarties and a small packet of caramello chocettes. The smarties were eaten on the way back to work, followed by the chocettes once I'd got back to my desk. The bullets wern't far behind them. I felt a bit sick after I'd gorged myself, but within about an hour I considered getting more chocolate biscuits from the tin. The only reason I didn't was because I had to get up and walk into the meeting room, which I couldn't be bothered doing as I was so full and bloated!! My hubby is the most supportive person I know, yet I am always too ashamed to admit to him what I've eaten, even though I know that he will never judge me. I do eventually tell him, but it's normally only after he's guessed that maybe I've eaten junk. And the only reason he can tell is because I'm normally too full to eat any dinner and end up eating nothing at all in the evening becuase I just cannot justify eating any more food. I don't know what to do about this problem, and it really is a problem. I feel like such a fraud as I put on this huge front so people think that I'm this real healthy, fit person, whereas all I'm doing is trying to keep the fat off by exercising like crazy!! My bingeing is strictly limited to work time. Once I get home there is far too much for me to do to even consider eating. Work is the problem. I am bored most of the time. I do not have enough work to keep me busy. I can count on two hands the amount of days that I've been busy all day. And on those days the thought of eating doesn't even enter my head. So I can pinpoint the bingeing to boredom. But how do I fill in that time? I can't really turn around and tell my boss that I'm bored!! And I do actually like my job so I wouldn't really consider looking for something else, but I need to fill in my time. Hubby has suggested that maybe I could go back through some of my computing books to try and pick up Javascript and VB script again. I failed miserably at both of these languages previously. It's definitely something to think about. I could always get back into web site designing, something I really enjoyed during the course I did. Anyone want a basic website built for them??? I want to learn to speak French. I have always had a yearning to learn French, but when I did take a language course it was in Japanese instead!! God only knows why I chose one of the hardest languages in the world to learn, but I did that for a year. Of course I can't remember any of it! So maybe I could find a website that offers free french lessons. I could sit at my desk with my headphones (when my boss isn't around of course!!) and chat to myself in French - Oui?? Okay, I've rambled for long enough. Thanks for listening!